puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
