so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
