I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
