scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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