I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
