he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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