I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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