its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i think i just lost a toe
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize