this beer tastes like vomit already
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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