me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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