I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
