I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
