I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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