No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize