Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
