my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
