that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
