that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
