apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
