I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
