Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Don't make out with my wife yet
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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