Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
