Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
