i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
