How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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