I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
