You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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