I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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