There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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