We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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