Please, let me fuck your mom
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Farmville is her only friend.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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