We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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