I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
