No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
