please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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