it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
