Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
