i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
