saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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