I'm drive I can fine osifer
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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