I should be sponsored by Trojan
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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