i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
