Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
BRING THE BAGELS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
