I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
