I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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