one two three fourrrrnication!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
