we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
