I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
