i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
