'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
