so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
