Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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