I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
