Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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