Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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