why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
