I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
