Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
