I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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