I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
