I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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