i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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