3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
