There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
