In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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