Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Randomize
