I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
