my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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