mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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