So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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