We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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