my being single is dangerous.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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