We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
