Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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