Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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