smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
