I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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