WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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