I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
