We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
