haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize