I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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