I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
