So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
