im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
