I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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