you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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