I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
