Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
