and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
