Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
