Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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