All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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