I wish I could teleport
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Terrible idea I love it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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