If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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