I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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