I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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