yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
