I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
