You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize