Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
