all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
