Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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