Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
