We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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