i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Randomize
