is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
