I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
