i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
